Is it really important?

How can you feel like yo are blessing someone if the blessing you are handing out is done with expectations attached? Is it really a blessing to someone or yourself if, in the long run the blessing has offended you? If you are going to bless someone, or other's are going to bless someone...than bless them. Don't do it with expectations. Don't do it because it is what everyone else is doing. Don't do it if it makes you unhappy. Don't do it so the person will do something for you in return. Those are not blessings. It is not a blessing, especially to the person on the receiving end, to feel "obligated" or forced to do something in return. It is not a blessing to have a situation forced on you. It is not a blessing to know that help was given with strings attached.

This last 2 weeks I have been beaten up pretty bad, or so it feels that way. I have had to be in "defense mode" again all this week. I need to set the record straight once and for all and I think I may upset people by this...but at this point, I think it is necessary. Twice this week I have had things thrown in my face as to what people have done for us. I have to say that I think it is horrible to do things for people and A) expect something in return and B) use it against the person in hurtful ways.

Once again, I thank EVERYONE that stepped in and helped us while Elijah was in the hospital...which there were so many people that did help us by giving their time sitting with us, with kind thoughts and concern, with millions of prayers, if you helped financially or brought us care packages, if you helped us with our kids, if you took care of my dog or checked our mail, if you brought us groceries or cooked us dinner...we appreciated EVERY single one of you. You ALL stepped up in such a horrible time for us and we can NEVER repay you. You ALL touched our hearts with you compassion. We love all of you and want you all to know that your place in our hearts is etched there FOREVER!

Now, like in the past we are having to defend ourselves. I was hoping that because we were in such a good place with God that we wouldn't be made to feel "guilty" during and after this surgery. I was hoping that we would make it through this time with ease, but that was not the case. Because last week and this week it has been brought to our attention what "has been done for us". I am FED UP WITH THIS! I don't want anything from anyone that i going to make me feel guilty in the long run. Call me rude for saying this. Call me ungrateful or whatever you would like. But just know that the people that are doing this are tearing our heart into pieces. It makes us feel as though you helped because yo were "obligated" to do so, and we never wanted anyone to feel obligated. We never really wanted help in the first place. It is awful to feel like you need help, to know that you have to take charity. Do you know what it is like to have a whole community, and your whole family know that you cannot take care of your own problems? We never wanted this because we didn't want to be the "needy family" and we didn't want the past to repeat itself. We didn't want the people we love the most to make us feel like we "owed" them or we weren't thankful enough or we "used" them.

I love to help people. I love to give back. I love to make people smile. Do I like to do things because I feel forced...NO! Did I take every opportunity I could to bless others while we were there...we sue did! As Christians, that is our JOB! That is what God expects of us. As Christians are we still trying to bless as many people as we can today...we sure are! It is still our job! It is up to us and God how and when those blessings shine. Please, if you bless us and you are just going to steal your blessings back...we don't want them in the first place. The blessings that others gave us are OURS...not yours...please don't try to rob us of those.

We love you all, and I apologize if this has upset you...but is it really so important to throw the past in our faces? Is it more important to bless someone and allow them to be blessed or is it more important to bless them for the sole purpose of getting something in return? Was all of this worth the way Jason and I feel today?