Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Hannah!


My little Pumpkin Princess! Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that today you are 7 years are growing up so fast. I remember seeing your beautiful face at 9:13 AM thinking WOW! You were so pretty! You had the biggest chipmunk cheeks I had ever seen. When they wrapped you up in a blanket you looked like a little Indian papoose! On that day almost 7 years ago exactly you made me who I am right now, you made me a Mommy! You Miss Hannah, made me a better person! You taught me what real, true, and unconditional love really is! I am so glad that God blessed me with you! I think he gave me the best little girl there is!

Thank you so much for being such an amazing little person! I am of proud of you! You are growing into the sweetest little girl. Your heart amazes me every day! You have such a sparkle in your eyes and a fire in your heart. You love your family and friends with that same unconditional love that you taught me 7 years ago. I hope that you always stay who you are and know that God created you PERFECT! You are His masterpiece and my prayer is that you will always know that...I cannot wait to see where God is going to take you sweet girl!

I love you so much Hannah, and I hope you have a great birthday and a great year!


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sucess so far...

Okay, so in the past when I have dieted I always have weighed myself every other day or so. This time I have decided that I am only going to weigh in once a week to avoid the discouragement of not seeing a #. Well, I am very pleased to report that today was my weigh in day and I have lost 6 pounds this week! I am so excited. That is the size Elijah when he was born! A newborn baby is off of me...HOORAY! I have battled through dinner/movie night, a birthday party (with pizza, breadsticks, cake, and elephant ear sundaes) and also e-group on Tuesday with gravy and biscuits, eggs, cinnimon rolls, and chocolate chip cookies! To top that, I have had a lot happen this week as far as "emotional stuff" that could have easily sent me spiraling downwards but I stood strong in God and for His glory I respected my body...His temple.
This might be silly to some of you, but to me this is a huge victory! I still have a VERY long road ahead of me with this and I know it is going to be VERY difficult at times. I just believe that I am so determined that "today is the day", that I am going to get throug this and I am going to get healthy! Please just continue to be in prayer for me for this. Any encouragement and ideas are greatly appreciated. Any yummy low fat recipes would be helpful.
Thanks so much for your prayers so far...I will do this!
Much love!

Sunday, October 26, 2008 night! was Mommy & daughter night and man-o-man was it F-U-N! It was really great hanging out with my little girl tonight. We don't get a whole lot of time to ourselves and sometimes I think it bothers Hannah. So it was awesome to just get to be together and focus all of my attention on her. It was great to see her smiling and being her silly self! She is such a great kid! We got to go see High School Musical 3. Our friends Alise and her daughter Eve went and so did Dawn an her little twin Kennedy. THE GIRLS HAD A BLAST (I think us Moms had just as much fun as the girls just getting to be silly)! It was so exciting to me to see all the girls so giddy and excited! It was a lot of fun hanging out with them all! We had the opportunity to get a quick/cheap dinner (because we are all about cheap!) and go pick up a few party supplies for the PARTY tomorrow as well!

Hannah is getting ready to turn 7 and I just cannot believe it! She is growing up so fast. I feel like time is slipping away and I am missing so much. I miss her being a little snuggle bug. I miss being able to dress her up in the little ruffles and lace! She is such a beautiful little girl and I hope she knows how special she is to me! I am so proud of the person she is. She is so curious about God and loves school and friends. She loves to sing and dance...she is going to be a rock star someday is what she says! She makes me smile! I love her so much... are the pics from tonight! FUNNY STUFF!


Waiting in line for the movie...FOREVER! Alise modeling the popcorn that she had waited all week for!

Our gangs goods! Yea it was all ours!


waiting some more and chowin down!

the girls taking pictures...still waiting and getting antsy!

Wal-Mart fun...the PAPER TOWEL FORT!

Dawn was TIRED but still being silly!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

And this too shall pass (I hope)...

Today has been a rough day a far as my "diet" goes! I have really struggled to stay on top of it! Remember me saying that I drown my frustrations in food? Well, Satan is right on top of that one today, don't ya know?!? I received a VERY upsetting e-mail last night from someone who for the last 3 years has been very dear to my heart...basically telling me that her and "others" have realized that I am basically greedy and make people feel sorry for me and feel obligated to help my family! Grrrr...I was/am very upset by the e-mail and just the fact that A) these women are talking about me behind my back B) that these women are giving false information about me and C) that they are judging me!

There have been many things done for our family this summer, especially because of many people at the church and man-o-man are we FOREVER grateful for EACH BLESSING that was bestowed on us. Did we want to need help...of course not. Was there much else we could do rather than accept it, with a TON of humility, no there wasn't. I just pray that everyone that helped us knows that we really needed the help and really genuinely appreciate it with every ounce of GRATITUDE inside our hearts. I am sorry that I never sent out a formal thank you. I hope that we never made people feel like they "had to help" or that we accepted your generosity when we didn't need it. I am really annoyed that I feel like I have to defend myself against this gossip. I want you all to know that because of your kindness and generosity to our family and the help of an organization helping us pay for the hotel we were able to help bless several different families while Elijah was in the hospital. You all helped us to buy them groceries, provide a little shelter for them and even Bible's. Because of your help and kindness towards us we learned how to witness to people and were able to do that more times than I can even remember. We were able to sit with a family after they had just lost their newborn son and get them through the night. THEY CAME TO US FOR COMFORT...WOW GOD! I am not telling you all of this for recognition or a pat on the back. I actually haven't told many people this at all because I didn't want to sound like I was bragging or proud. But I just want you all to know that with your help you not only helped us, but helped 3 other families as well! We were able to pay it forward,and it felt amazing! Thank you again! I just wish that you all knew me well enough to know that I am very NOT greedy! I have always, my whole life been a giver...I love to give! I cannot always do it, but when I can I do it with pleasure!

I have been praying my way through this and I know I will get through this day...this too shall pass! I just get really upset when people are unhappy with me, like physically ill at times. It is bad. I am a pleaser and want to always make people happy. I have been able to stay focused so far and haven't wandered away from the diet...can you just help pray me through this day! And one more favor, if any of you have an "issue" with something I am doing...before you judge me, have the courage and decency to question my actions!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Please pray with us...

I have struggled with my weight my whole life and I AM DONE!!!! I finally rallied the courage to step on the scale today and just about lost my breakfast in disgust! I need to lose 100 pounds! Yea, you did read that right...100 pounds! I am so ANGRY at myself that if I could, I would kick myself in the head! I could give a list of excuses as to "why" my weight has gotten so out of control...stress, always being on the go, being at the hospital so much...but those ARE NOT the reasons why! This is MY FAULT, and I have to own this problem so that I can finally get it under control. I have put myself at a HUGE risk for diabetes, high blood pressure/cholesterol, stroke, heart attack and DEATH-all the while having a child that never asked to be born with a heart condition. I peach at Jason all the time about smoking because he is killing himself, but look what I am doing...I am killing myself! What the heck is wrong with me??? I am eating myself into a very young death! Why do I need to drown my sorrows and boredom and fears and frustrations in food? Because I am weak. Please don't misunderstand this blog...I am by no means, in a PITY PARTY mode...I am angry and determined and need to be honest with myself; and by telling all of you this I am also telling myself. I have got to change my life. I have got to start excercising more, eating better, drinking more water...I have to do this for my kids, my husband, myself, and God!

Jason and I have been doing the whole "life style change" all week and have been doing it with SUCCESS! It is so difficult, and so EXPENSIVE. We are changing what we eat, drink and do. I have not had any soda (diet coke) or tea since Sunday! I went grocery shopping and got fresh fruits and veggies to cook with and snack on. I know that with the help of God we can do this! We have to!

I am asking all of you, if you will just help us to stay focused and on track. If you see stuff on sale will you just let me know. Please help by encouraging us, and most importantly PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR SUCCESS!

Thanks for reading this...and helping us in anyway you can!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

God works in crazy ways...

So last night, Jason's car broke down on his way home from work. He was stranded in Pickney until an old friend of his that lives out there came and rescued him. After a couple hours of tinkering around with it they had to leave it out there because it wouldn't hold any electrical charge. Well our friend Ken Smith came out and met us and went out to get the car and then followed us back to my Mom's house to look at it. Turns out that his alternator went out.

If you read yesterday's post you had read that we have struggles in our financial dept (who doesn't right now, right?) Anyway, with us trying to move we are trying so hard to get credit card debt paid off and get some savings built up. As most of you know, we passed A WHOLE LOT of tests this summer...many with flying colors. Satan has attacked us in our marriage, with our friends, with our child and we WON. We have stayed faithful to our God! Well, we had absolutely NO money to do this repair on his car at all, so we were going to have to use the credit card we JUST got paid off to fix it. We were very bummed and upset about it. Jasonwas really angry all morning and as the minutes passed I watched his anger get worse and worse and worse! He was MAD! Finally I looked at him and asked him what good all the anger was doing was making him physically sick, that is what it was doing to him!

So before we left today to begin our excursion, I had him stop so I could check the mail because God works in crazy ways...somehow when we think we are at our witts end and finances are making us crazy, money just "shows up". Nothing...the mail hadn't ran yet. So we went and did our business and after we got all done we stopped at the bus stop to pick Hannah up and I told him I needed to check the mail. So we did! And low and behold...for some reason we got another SSI (disability check) check for Elijah this month. We normally only get one on the 1st of the month, but a few times have gotten them just randomly if they have underpaid us. Well I showed him the envelope an he said "are you kidding me,were yo expecting that?" I HAD NO IDEA...NO PLANS FOR ANOTHER CHECK! I opened it up and it will more than cover the work on the car! No needto use our credit card! WOW GOD! Can you believe it? God really takes care of us all of the time! He is always looking out for us! Jason was WOWED...he was blown away...all I could say to him was didn't I tell you??? God is tricky like that! He makes us worry for a sec and then shows us that he will provide as long as we lean on HIM and not our own understanding!

That is it, just had to share how awesome God to e-group...later gator's!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Trying to grow...

So, Jason and I have really been praying for "growth" among many other things that will change ourlife together very DRASTICLY. We really want to move forward on our walk with God. We don't feel like we are fulfilling what He wants from us. We have known that He wants us to "do" something in the church for a long time, but we just aren't sure what that something is. It is really frustrating at times because we know that there there is a calling on our lives, we just cannot get the answer on what it is. And the other thing about it is that we are so darn far away! Sometimes we feel really disconnected with everyone because of it. We want so badly to be involved in more things at church, but than the financial issue always pops up and it dampens everything...we need to MOVE and Jason needs his long awaited and overdue RAISE!!! For those of you that don't know, we have been praying to move out there for about 4 years now! We love Fenton/Linden and we feel that is where we belong. We have been approved for a mortgage, but we need to sell our home we are currently in and also we want to wait until the spring so that we can pay off our credit card debt first.
I guess my purpose for this post is just to ask for prayer...we need it. Prayer to be shown our purpose, prayer for God's will, prayer for finances, and prayer for our perfect house!
Thanks everyone...lots of love!

Monday, October 6, 2008


Today, as I sat and held Elijah in my arms kissing and hugging on him...I just thanked God! At first in my head...just praising Him for my little boy. Thanking Him for how far we have come. Thanking him for getting Elijah through 3 open heart surgeries, and back home. Thanking him that now just 2 short months after surgery he is walking, talking, laughing, playing, eating, and being such an amazing little person! Thanking Him that now 8 weeks later he is on just a simple aspirin 3 times a week and lasix. Than I began to thank Him out loud...THANK YOU GOD! YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL! And then all of the sudden this little wonder, the little miracle resting in my arms looks up and says with a smile "gank gu God!" How awesome is that!!!

It has been 2 months today since I had to sit him in that wagon and watch him be wheeled away down that cold hallway that smells so strong of that "hospital" anestesia/sterile smell. I remember standing there with my hand over my mouth feeling like I couldn't move. Numb! I wanted to run down the hall and sweep him out of that wagon and whisk him right out of the hospital as Jason pulled me into his arms and I broke! I will never forget that moment. It was like time froze. It is forever in my head. That was the single most difficult thing I have ever done...and I have had to do it 3 times, but this time-August 6, 2008, was the most difficult! They were all horrible, don't get me wrong but this time Elijah was different. He was him. He was a little person. He was pretty "normal". Unlike the other times when he was SO sick and I knew if he didn't get the repair we would lose him. And I am thankful! Thankful that we traveled the journey. Thankful that we made it. Thankful that we didn't listen to the lies of the enemy. Thankful that we listened to God's truth and knew that Elijah had and does have a purpose! Thankful that we are DONE! His repair is complete! He won't need another surgery for MANY MANY years...God willing! My heart is just leaping right now with thanks. I have my little strong little boy! He is here for me to kiss and hug everyday and I am so thankful.

We have learned so many things on this journey. we have grown in so many ways in the last 3 years. We have been tested so many times. We have been helpless and hopeless at times. We have felt lost. We have even thrown in the towel at times. One thing we didn't do though was lose God...He never let us go! He held us, carried us, cried for us, He was there! He never let us down and until this surgery we didn't realize that. We didn't understand "why"...but we didn't need to. God knows why. He chose us for a reason and we have realized that his choice for our lives are a treasure...a blessing! God blessed us with this life! God blessed me and my husband with this amazing little boy that was going to need the strength of both of us. He chose us to teach Elijah. He chose us to do the right things for him...He chose us to walk this road, to travel this journey to glorify Him. To let His love, and His light shine through us. All of us-Jason, me, Hannah, Travis, Elijah-we all have grown closer to God through this storm. We, His babies, His treasures, have made God so proud. We walked the path He chose for us and tredged our way through. We obeyed, we remained steadfast in our faith and our beliefs. So today, this day...means a lot! It means that we got our reward. Our reward of this little boy who sits in my lap and says with so much joy "gank gu God"! I have to say...I feel like the luckiest Mommy in the world and I too say THANK YOU GOD! I hope I have made you proud!